i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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