My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
