the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
