Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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