smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
