tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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