I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
