Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
operation have a gay friend backfired
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
