We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
