i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
