The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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