This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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