I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
