I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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