He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
