I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
