i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize