Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
