Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
