i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
