Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
