I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
