I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
