I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
