Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
