Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
