i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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