3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
