Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
