She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
