You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
