I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
