Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
