Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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