I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
