Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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