New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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