it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
