god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
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there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
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Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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