Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
