The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
