garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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