Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
