I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
