i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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