he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
