I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
