just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
