ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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