Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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