I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
