I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
