dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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