Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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