billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
