she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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