Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
