So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
