this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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