everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
