I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
