think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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