i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
