You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
