I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
