Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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