you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
as a side note pls kill me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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