your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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