I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I could make wine with my vomit
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
