Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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