By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
