My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
