Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
