I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize