Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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