You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
