# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
