you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
