And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
