Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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