he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
