just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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