I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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