What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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